Happy New Year! (Kind of…)
It still counts as New Years a week in, right? After a well deserved break over Christmas, my body decided that it was relaxed enough to contract some sort of flu so I am sat nursing that as I write this which is why all my plans to suddenly become an amazing blogger went out of the window and we are left with me. A mediocre blogger at best.
That may sound a bit self deprecating but it is not intended that way, I accept that I am still learning and I am very grateful for those that have stuck with me.
I am actually here to reflect upon 2018 – a very beautiful year for me indeed.
My word for the year was ‘Build’ but I didn’t know this until the very end. I thought it would be something more glamorous sounding, actually. Building makes me think of scaffolding and dust.
However, Build was definitely my word and I will tell you why;
I built a foundation for my future with G. I know, I know! Technically he did that but I played a very important part. I started 2018 as a woman who was still very much learning to love and trust herself, I was building a stable relationship with myself. I was very clear with G that I wanted to marry him but I wasn’t entirely clear on what I wanted my future with myself to look like.
How would that work?
It was after a few months of inner work and forming a solid relationship with myself (starting with owning and dealing with my own shit) that G got down on one knee, on that stunning beach at sunset and gave me the proposal of my dreams.
I built up my tolerance for failure, I actually failed my driving test 3 times before passing and I believe that’s how it had to be. In the past, if I failed at something, I internalised it all and gave up. I carried around the belief that I deserved to fail and should just quit trying.
Failing 3 times at something I really wanted taught me a lesson, it taught me that quitting will just leave me where I have always been. Yes, it is comfortable to stay where you are but, for me, it is also really boring. I knew that this time I had to keep going and it wasn’t until I genuinely believed I could pass that I did pass.
Fancy that? Self belief being key…
I built a space for me to share my story, my views and to, hopefully, help people. I am really proud of this space, this blog that I have created. Sharing my story is something I’ve wanted to do from a young age.
There are other things I have built throughout 2018 but I’d say that these are my biggest three as they are the ones I didn’t think I ever would.
So, what next?
Well, my word for 2019 is ‘Grateful’ because I think that it’s important to do everything from a place of love and gratitude.
For years I have been aiming for something to achieve, whether it was a ‘goal weight’, or stopping swearing or a promotion at work. Just ask my Bestie, she will tell you that I’ve been always chasing something more than what I have, something new, something different. I ended last year having a mini crisis about having nothing in the pipeline to achieve at the moment- no self improvement mission.
That’s when I realised that my word had to be ‘Grateful’ because all of the things that I wanted to achieve that would bring me joy had been achieved and I wasn’t looking at any of it. I was focusing on my lack of goals. I was actually looking for something to achieve for the sake of it. I was being very ungrateful and it was not a good look.
I realised that I should be extremely grateful for the things that I do have and even for being fortunate enough to worry about a lack of a goal.
In all honesty, I got to the 3rd of January before I signed up to The Goddess Collective, which I suppose is something to achieve but I am not looking at it in that way, not really. I am looking at it as a way to learn even more about myself and my place in the world, a place to make EVEN MORE meaningful connections, and I am really excited about it as it will present a million more things to be grateful for.
I am leaving you with a quote today – “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein.
What do you choose?
Self Preservation to Self Love 