Here is a home truth for you – I frequently get envious of others.
I think these days, we see a lot more of everyone’s achievements, highlights and goals due to social media and can be swept up in the feeling of always wanting more likes, more achievements under your belt, more goals to smash, etc and never see when people have messed up or even failed. It’s easy to stay in that feeling and wind up giving yourself a really hard time for simply being human.
One minute I am posting to the world about how much I love myself, my life and who I am (which is all true) and the next minute I see a post or get a message that spins me into “I am not good enough. My life is not good enough. I don’t have XYZ in my life…”
Most recently, I was trying to pass my driving test and failed (let’s say more than once…) and on every social media channel I started to see loads of people holding up their pass certificates. I still doing know why this happened to me- I am 29 so not really the age to see all your friends passing their test- but there I was, looking at all these people passing and telling myself they are better than me when in reality, I don’t know how many times they failed.
Then there I am spiralling into envy and taking my own happiness away in the process. It sucks, it’s a sh*tty thing to do to myself. It’s the equivalent of a friend telling me something super exciting about themselves and me saying “so what? So and so is doing this.” I wouldn’t do that, I just wouldn’t, because it’s cruel really.
So why do I do it to myself?
This is genuinely what I ask myself “why am I doing this? Where is it coming from?” And the answer is generally “I SHOULD be doing XYZ, I shouldn’t be happy with my simple life.” Or in the case if driving “I SHOULD have passed by now.” Then I ask myself “Becky, why should you be doing any of that right now? Why can’t it happen in its own time when it’s right for you?”
Then it hits me, it can. There is no reason why it can’t, if I really want that. “Do I really want that?” 9 times out of 10, no, I don’t want that right now (the driving scenario is the 1 in 10) and I am much happier going at my own pace and doing what I am loving doing. I realise that by should-ing all over myself (Thanks, Mel, for that phrase) I am actually sh*tting all over myself too.
That’s right, by comparing myself to others, I am taking my own peace, happiness and ability to love myself away. I don’t want to do that.
So when I find myself comparing, I remind myself of these things;
1. There is no room for envy in self love as that only attracts negativity and judgement which tears me down.
2. Everyone is deserving of love and good fortune – further to reminding myself of this, I show the person I am envious of the love they deserve (because I guarantee that they look to others and compare sometimes too)
3. I am living my life at a pace that feels right to me, I am choosing for myself what feels right for me and where I am right now is what I have created for myself.
4. If I want what they have, I can go out and get it for myself.
5. I am genuinely grateful for every good thing I have in my life.
Do you know what, when I did these things and allowed myself to focus on making things happen for myself, I attracted so much positive energy that I passed my test.
Focusing on everyone else passing and telling myself that I was “a failure” was actually making me go in to the test thinking I would fail. And guess what, I did.
I guess my self love tip out of all this is – release the envy and find more happiness.